Saturday, February 12, 2011

doubt. (1)

So just in case you don't see the new description on the side of my blog --->
(you may need to scroll down a bit),
Here's the deal with it. I'll ask someone, completely random that I know, to give me a word. A word with deep meaning, that is simple, yet intelligent and then I'LL BLOG ABOUT IT!
Sounds pretty cool right? Yeah, I know.
(I can't believe I came up with it myself.)

I won't be able to do these every day, but I'll do them as often as I feel like.

Today's word is...

This word was given to me by one of my bestest girlie friends, Carly :)
The reason I've chosen this one out of the random masses of words that I've received from fellow acquaintances today is because I have had a lot of it lately.
And it's hard to deal with.
And I hate it.
Almost as much as I hate using the word "and" at the beginning of a sentence, yet, somehow I still manage to use it.

Story time:
Since about September, I've had the sudden urge. You know those kinds of things that you know you have the ability to do, yet, you're not quite sure you have the capability or the power to do it? Yeah... that kind of urge. Ambition caught me by surprise. I don't even know how or why I thought what I thought that day. What I do remember is walking about with Carly... and saying hi to lots of people (as I usually do) and suddenly thinking, "wow, it would be so cool to be Student Body President."
Random. I know.
So I said to Carly (along these lines), "Hm... maybe I should run for SB President?"
And she looked at me and said, "Vanna, I was just about to say that."
(what the...???)
I suddenly had the inspiration to do it.
But alas I had to wait till the end of March to run.
AHHHH!!!!! It's half-way through FEBRUARY!!!
I'm not ready for this!
But I can do it.
I've finally decided that I'm just gonna do it.
I have nothing to lose.
My friends aren't just gonna disown me if I don't make it.
Neither is my family.
(Neither is God...)
My goal is to come out of it triumphant.
(Whether I win the election or not.)
I just have to work hard,
do my best,
and reach above and beyond to reach out to other people.
That's what it's all about for me.
The opportunity to serve people and the student body of Timpanogos High School in a way that I could never do without the position.
It's just an opportunity opener.
And I'm ready to open that door.

But I have those doubts.
Those doubts of whether I can do it or not.
Because my opponent may be more popular than me,
or more outgoing than I am,
or maybe... maybe... just beat me by a long-run.
I'm not sure I could handle that.

But when I talk to people who know me really well,
who know me better than I know myself,
and encourage me to go for it,
and to reach for the sky,
I realize that it's people like that who believe in me,
are the ones I should be most grateful for.
For lifting my self-esteem,
boosting my confidence,
and raising me up.

I've been in kind of a rut lately with everything.
Doubt is a hard thing to live with.
We all suffer through it every day,
whether it's about our math test that we aren't sure if we'll be able to pass...
(I have a Calculus test on Monday... :|)
or being able to make it as Student Body President.

I can't even explain to you how badly I want this...
and how much I want it to work out.
But through prayer and fasting,
I'm sure I can rid of this nasty infection inside my heart and my brain.
All around, I know I can do this.
And I am COMPLETELY capable of it.
I just need a little help.
And I'm not afraid to admit it!!! :)

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