Split Personality

HAHA, I had too much fun in photo today. We were supposed to take our photo and make split personalities. Here's the original picture:

This one was cropped, changed the hue and the saturation, added some smudge along with some different colors in the background. It was rather exciting. :)

And then don't forget the tidbits of deformation :)

And there you go, there's some demonizing for ya :)We are going to be sharing these pictures on Halloween. I'm rather excited actually. Can we just say, AWESOME? I think yes! :)

Crazy: Any Ideas?

Sometimes, this is how I feel (refer to picture below). 



Photo taken by: Cecile Thomas

And to be perfectly honest, it's not ideal. Have you ever felt like ripping your hair out, screaming at the world and telling them to just get the heck away from you and you might not say it so nicely. Sometimes I feel like that, so I find ways to cope with it (obviously) and be happy no matter what. I've learned (or shall I say relearned) that you are the only one that make yourself happy. Not God, not your friends, not anything or anyone but yourself. So the key, I've decided, is to make time in your crazy high school life to do things that you enjoy doing. It's a lot easier than you might think. First do a self-assessment: Are you comfortable with your life right now? Are you currently trying to work through a trial or problem with either yourself or a friend, or even an acquaintance that you may not be too fond of?

Well, to be perfectly honest there are only certain things that you can do to help yourself sometimes. And one of my calm yourself and just chill out tactics is editing photos. Being creative somehow stimulates my mind into feeling better. Sometimes I need ideas to get my thought process going though. So any ideas to add to my going insane picture? I'll be doing stuff with it in my photo class (which is totally ridiculous by the way) but I wanted to know if anyone had any clever ideas to do with this. I've got a few, but who knows what I'll come up with. Especially since I am able to let my train of thoughts wander else where. What's your I refuse to go insane tactic? How do you keep from going crazy from all the stress of every day life?

Please. Enlighten me.

One of God's Many Gifts to the World

Yesterday I did a service project by helping out at Aspen Elementary for their fall carnival and by the end of the event, as I was walking to meet my grandpa for him to take me home, I noticed the sunset.

It was beautiful, as always, and I just was walking along and suddenly I realized that the sunset is different EVERY single time. I think that's why people never get tired of it. Isn't that just an incredible thought? To think that God could honestly just say, "Oh hey, I like these colors along with the sunset, so we'll have this be the same every day all over the world." But no, he took the time to create a sunset for every blue sky, sun shiny day. God is emmaculate and wonderful. Thank goodness for His colors painting the sky just so we have something pretty to look at around dusk.

Music: Healer of the Mind, Heart and Soul

I know that we're all thinking the same thing. We all want life to be easier right? I know that sometimes I wish I could have an easier time with life, yet I always seem to be struggling with SOMETHING. The trials never seem to end. It's just like one after another. Know what I'm saying? Whether it's with family, friends, school, stress... Yourself... Life in general? Yeah, I know just how you're feeling.

Is it normal to go to school feeling anxious because you're afraid that you're going to take the initiative and volunteer for something else in which you do not have time to do?

Is it normal to want to help out with everything and then realize that you've made this choice, but how do you get out of it?

Well, there's no escaping it now. But I can tell you that there is a way to cope with it. Last night I was invited, by my good friend Elder Budge, to his ward to listen to him play a special musical number in sacrament meeting. I can even tell you how much it meant to me for him to invite me. Obviously he invited me cause he wanted to see me and needed the moral support. Regardless of his admitted shaking and nervous feelings, he did a fantastic job playing a fancied up arrangement of "Nearer My God to Thee". Seriously this was just the healing that I needed. I'm not exactly sure what it was about the musical number that spoke to me so evidently but it did, through the spirit, and I was extremely humbled by the fact that I was able to attend such a treat.

I was telling him that music speaks volumes more than any words ever could in some cases. In this case it was a healing of the mind, heart, and soul. I know that somehow he was inspired to ask me to attend his musical number and I know that all the small events leading up to the actual happening of it all, well, it all worked out for the best. Thank goodness.

So I attended two sacrament meetings today. Probably for the best reason. Cause I needed it. I wanted it. I crave the gospel. I'm addicted to it. That kind of gives it a stigma, but hey, that's okay. There's nothing better than having so much of a good thing in your life. Something that you can ALWAYS rely on and it's absolutely, 100% fool-proof.

I just wish that everyone in the world could feel the protection of the gospel the way that us Latter Day Saints do. It's a magical feeling and it's so wonderful to be so enlightened with joy and happiness when we do what we know is right.

Now as Elder Budge prepares to leave on his mission, I pray that he'll always keep music close to his heart and always refer to it if his faith ever grows dim. Music is powerful and can be used to empower the greatness that mankind has to offer. I just wish that everyone else was capable of appreciating the wonderful gift that our gracious Heavenly Father has given us. Often we take music for granted because it's all around us all day every day. I hope that I can learn and help others learn how to appreciate the fact that music is the root to our entertainment, sanity and existence. It's a gift, not to be abused.

Thanks to music, life is good. :)

Lonely Lonerdom

I don't normally worry a lot.

I don't worry about what I wear to school
or what my hair looks like in the morning when it doesn't want to agree with me.

I don't worry about what the little sophomores in my health class think about me when I tell them they're stupidity is showing and that they shouldn't be allowed to talk.

I don't worry when it comes to procrastination because in all honesty, I really am getting better with it.

I don't worry when I have a humanities test and I end up studying at lunch right before I take the test. (I totally nailed that test. I can feel it.)

I don't worry when I get in a fight with any of my girl friends cause I know that we'll be hugging and making up soon enough (especially referring to Carly, Abby and Kallie).

I don't worry too much when I make a mistake and worry about what God will think of me, because I know that as long as I learn from my mistake that I'll be okay.

I don't worry too much when I get tired, cause I'm a busy person.

But when I start becoming exhausted only a month into school, my body aches all over, I start becoming spastic, weird, moody and dramatic. (That last one's my least favorite symptom.) I freak over the stupid things and then once I realize that I'm being melodramatic, I freak out even more. It's a sad circle. I get lost in my own little world and everything starts closing in. I feel as though everyone is mad at me for stupid reasons and that causes me to feel resentment towards them.

This is when I get really worried.
I apologize to anyone that gets the bitter end of the stick.
I just really need your help.
If you really understand, you'll still love me even when I'm mean and rude.
You'll still love me when I bite your head off for something stupid (like poking me... or touching me).
You'll understand that as of lately, I really don't like being touched. It's a new thing that I can't really explain.

I'm slowly weening towards lonerdom.
But I absolutely and completely REFUSE to quit all my social activities.
I'm afraid of falling into depression and becoming even more stressed and losing all control over my feelings. I will not let this happen to me. I simply refuse and there's no doubting it.

I have decided on the positive outlooks of becoming a loner though.
I can begin depending on myself,
because even though some people get the idea
that I'm independent and strong,
I depend a lot on other people for my happiness.

Another thing that I'm worried about is that I'm starting to clash personalities with my best friend. I can feel it.
Even though we haven't actually verbally talked about it,
I can feel it. And I can feel it deep.
I just hope this change doesn't affect our close relationship.

I'm changing and I'm changing fast.
And I'm not quite sure I like it.

The Impossible

In the past week or so, I've done exactly what I told myself I'm not going to do this year. Ha, I might be considering myself an idiot if not other things. I may or may not have started piling on the responsibilities that I don't necessarily have time for. I mean, I still need somewhat of some down time with friends and whatnot, but we'll see how that goes. And work none the less.

Well, not only am I joining Chamber (which is going to be so completely amazing and wonderful) but it's going to take up a lot of time. But hopefully a lot of the stuff that I have to do will be mostly done in class. Hopefully. Then in Tech yesterday, we were told that we had to volunteer to help with something with the production. I volunteered to be Assistant Stage Manager. I'm just really hoping that I don't end up being the actual Stage Manager, because after last year, I KNOW that I just simply do not have the time. Let's hope that I'll be able to work things out with my work schedule and the actual Stage Manager (Rachael) and work everything out. I realized that there's no time like the present to teach myself time management. No more wasting time and no more time to procrastinate. I just simply will not be able to do it. I need to make sure that I'm still doing a senior portrait session. Hm... quick text message in class? Quite possibly. I also forgot to see what time the light is just right. HA, I forgot. It's rather important especially since it's been getting darker earlier. Hm, I guess we'll just have to see what happens. Hopefully I'll be able to get out of auditions early and be able to go and hopefully everything will work out. Can't wait. :)

This year I am going to do the impossible. How? I'm not quite sure yet, but I've figured out that it'll be extremely good to just start out with living day to day instead of worrying too much about everything else. Oh how life just carries me away.

TIMPANOGOS

Back Where I Belong

I am soooo SO ecstatic to announce that I'm transferring back into choir!!! GAH! Super pumped. When I found out that I was taking Business Management (which class I am in right now) for no apparent reason besides the CTE credit, it became absolutely useless to me. I mean, Bus-Mgmt is useful in life, but not when you take it at Timp High. I don't know, that's just my opinion. I haven't learned anything new yet and it's already 3 weeks into the term. Ree-dick-you-luuuus.Anyways, it just so happens that my photo classes that I'm taking this year count as the SAME EXACT CREDIT! Yeah, I just found this out last week and it made me really excited. Yesterday I got permission to switch into Chamber at the end of the term! I don't have to wait until the semester change (thank goodness). I saw the dresses today that we get to have and DUDE. They are actually really awesome and so pretty. And they're not sparkly. (Thank goodness.) Hopefully I look good in it. Here's to hoping. I knew something was missing in my senior year and I knew exactly what it was all along. The fact that I wasn't in choir this year at all made me feel incomplete and now I'm really excited. I feel as though I'm back where I belong. It's a beautiful feeling.

So you know that wonderful photo class that I've been in? Yeah, haven't really learned anything in that class, but I've learned more than Business Management... We turned in a photo shoot already, so here they are! Well, my favorites anyways :)

I will now have the PERFECT B-day after this first term is over.
My classes will go as follows:

Stage Craft (tech)
Seminary
Chamber
Lunch (always acceptable :))
Digital Photo

You should be jealous!

UP SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE: Ha, just wait until I tell you about the paper that I wrote for Bus-Mgmt. Ha, it's complete garbage. Can't wait to tell you about it.

Do you need a reality check?

I have this philosophy about life. In fact, I have a lot, and Maddi and Nikki think that I have too many, but this one, this one is important and essential to my life-long sanity.

Many people notice (or don't) that I wear my hair "up" a lot. In fact, more often than not. I'll just twist my bangs back and then tie my hair back into a bun. Easy, comfortable and doesn't look too bad. Well, let's be honest, sometimes I don't feel "pretty" or "beautiful" but I don't have to be either of those to be confident in myself. I don't think that I'm ugly by any means, but it's all apart of how I trust people. Every once in a while I will straighten my hair for school, but that's for me. Not anyone else. That's for me to look at myself in the mirror and say, "I look good today and no one can tell me otherwise".

Don't get the wrong idea, I can tie my hair back and say, "I look good today and no one can tell me otherwise" too, but when I take the time to get ready, I feel that much better about myself. Granted, I'll probably have my hair up by the end of the day cause it starts to bother me when it gets in my face and I'm trying to do something, but I made an effort so shouldn't that count for something? Same thing goes with putting on "stylish" clothes. I'm totally comfortable in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, or even a t-shirt and a pair of SWEATS (for crying out loud!). I've even been told by a guy that he respects the fact that I wear sweats to school occassionally and he likes that about girls. (Totally made my day, by the way.)

Dress and appearance is important to me, but to be perfectly honest, I want people to see me for who I really am and I think it's easier for one to look past the looks and the clothes and the hairstyles and look at someone's personality rather than their body. We should be dressing nicely and getting ready and taking care of ourselves for OURSELVES, not for anyone else.

Fact: I will get ready to hang out with one of my best friends, because I know and have heard him say that he doesn't care what I look like. He appreciates me for me. He will tell me that he appreciates it when I get ready for a date or ready to just hang out with him. And that's exactly why I do it. Do you get the point yet?

If your "friends" judge you by the way you look and talk and think, honey, I'm sorry, but you need new friends.

Or if you judge your friends by the way they look and talk and think, honey, I'm sorry, but you need a reality check. You are not a friend.

Definition of "friend", (yep, I looked it up in the dictionary): a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

This is the "not a friend" definition, (I didn't need to look this one up in the dictionary...): a person attached to another by clothes, what they look like and how much money they have

Everyone single person in this world should be able to walk out of their house wearing slippers, a pair of sweats, and a baggy t-shirt with their hair pulled back or uncombed and not care what the rest of the world thinks. 

Unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky...

All This Talk About Weddings...

Last night I went to TWO (yes 2) wedding receptions. We were there before one of them started. I wanted to see the bride (even though she wasn't all ready yet) and I also wanted to see her Bridals (which I took!!!) she had a couple that were humongous and I was so proud of myself! The pictures turned out so neat! They had some spread out all over the table and it was just awesome. I took my camera into the church but I was so excited that I forgot to take a picture of the display until I got back out to the car. Haha, I'm a dork. I know.

One thing though, I was talking to Alex about this the other day and he brought it up and he said that there should be pictures of the groom as well as the bride at the reception! I was like, "Yup. I whole-heartedly agree with that statement." Besides, it's the grooms day too, not just the bride's. The groom is just as much a part of the wedding anyways. (He's like... half of it!) So at my wedding there will be just as many pictures of the groom as there will the bride (Hey! That's me :)) Anyways, I'd better be going. All this talk of weddings makes me a little anxious sometimes. Haha :)